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ballroom is the way to go!! haha. [Friday

here i am. 5:45 pm. just the sound of the clock above me ticking and the tapping of the keys as i type. home alone again. hahaha. loser.

anyway, not for long. as i have always been one who's game for spontaneity..im going ballroom dancing later tonight! yeah yeah, ballroom dancing is for old people who dont mind dancing with sweaty D.I.'s. haha. but who cares, i need to kick back and let lose a bit tonight. and besides, that's an ancient stereotype!! ballroom dancers are sooo cool! hahahaha;p

so there. im just trying it out just this once. hey, i might enjoy it. plus, it serves as my workout for the day. im hitting two birds with one stone. =)

im excited!!!!;p

proud sistah [Monday

can i just say..im so proud of my siblings. and im not ashamed to post about it. but thank god none of them are into lj..they'll probably think im weird writing about them like this. hehe.

so there, it always makes me happy to see them happy. they've all had their ultimate lows at one time or another, ( i know, i witnessed it), but now im glad to see them doing great.

mig is my kuya, he's two years older than me and is doing really well in his work. he's a superb copywriter and i am certain he will move up the ladder in his field. writing is really his expertise.=)

gab is my younger brother who just recently reached his goal of getting back into the soccer team. i have to say this guy is all heart..he lost more than 30lbs (healthily of course) because he needed to just to get back into something that really made him happy. i'll be cheering for him in the sidelines.;p

bets, my twin who's 7 years younger than me, is always a breath of fresh air. she never fails to amaze me with her courage and ability to make everyone around her smile. she's only a sophomore in highschool but she was chosen to host ICA's battle of the bands!! woohoo! goooooo bets! im so proud of her because i knew how scared she was when she auditioned. she knew at the back of her head that these kind of positions were usually given to seniors...but no, she thought wrong. she's the bomb. and she now knows it.;p

ok enough of this. if any of them find out about this, they're gonna bribe or blackmail me into deleting this entire entry. haha. so hush hush ok? allow me to gloat this one time.;p

happy one month! [Wednesday

I didn't think i was the type to celebrate monthsaries..but now i know i am.haha. It was yesterday. We hadn't seen each other in a week and I was really excited to see him. If only we were back in school so that we could see and hang out with each other every day. Haha. But it's ok. We see each other whenever we can.=)

Anyway, we had dinner and just hung out. Didn't stay out too late because it was a work night. He gave me a red rose..the sweetest thing. It was a simple evening. And simple celebrations are the bestest kind.

I love Toby. =)


nahawa na ako...


idle time eating away my sanity [Monday

Today was a day for family. no friends, no boyfriend, nothing out of the ordinary. And it was both comforting yet lonely at the same time. It was comforting because everyone was home and had nothing to do in the morning but just be..home..with no agenda. And somehow this reminded me of my most primitive self, enjoying the security of being part of my basic unit. We didn't really talk that much but were just aware of each others' presence in the house..it was a comforting, silent re-assurance that they are very much around and a part of my life.

But then it was also a little lonely for me. Maybe it was the cold, gloomy weather. Or maybe it was the part of me that always feels the need to do something productive. But when i think about it, i know why. I am not working yet and to tell you the truth, i feel pretty useless nowadays. I dont feel like i'm being my best self..the self i know i am and can be. I find myself drowning in thoughts of change and trying to make the most of my life that i get terrified in the end of how clueless i am about life and love. And when i look at all the newfound blessings i have to be thankful for..i get terrified of the happiness. it's not so much feeling that i dont deserve happiness..i know i do. but maybe afraid that things are too good to be true.

I am way too hard on myself. and think a lot more than i should. it's funny how some people think i am all heart. maybe all the idle time is eating away the sanity i am storing till i start working in september. i will probably have a more rational post by then. but for now, please allow me to rant and express what dull time is doing to me. argh.

i need a drink.

Disturb us, O Lord [Saturday

[ mood | frustrated ]

Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely,
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life!!

Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wilder seas
Where storm will show Your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.

We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push us in the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.
This we ask in the name of our
Captain, who is Jesus Christ.


when my mind starts... [Friday

[ mood | hmmm... ]

A conversation yesterday made me think…….

Take a look at your life and see where it’s leading you. Do you feel you’re captive of an inescapable cycle of society’s unspoken dictations? I know I feel this way sometimes.
When I finished college, one of the first things I know I had to do without being told was to look for a job (that’s because I’m not planning to take further studies anytime soon or because I don’t have other reasons for not having the need to work) So if you’re like me, then you already know that work is what automatically follows your university days and it’s starting a family that comes after that. It’s been inculcated in us ever since we were kids. Remember these lines:

1)You have to study hard in grade school so you get to high school. You have to study hard in high school to get into a good college. You have to study hard in college to get a good job. And when you have a good job, then the money comes in.

2)What do you want to be when you grow up? You should be a doctor like dad or a lawyer like mom. (All hypothetical of course)

3)Oh, so you took Psychology because you want to be a…. psychologist? a teacher? a….what?

4)What are you going to do with a degree in Psychology. There’s no money there.

5)Friend: At what age do you want to get married? You: When I find the right one. But probably in my late twenties or early thirties, when I’m stable.

And the list goes on….

When I think about these things and have seen that I have also fallen into this cycle, I suddenly realize how trapped I feel. And because of this, I wonder if it’s possible to break free. And if it is possible, how exactly do I do so?

-Is it simply leaving aside what society has laid out for you? Is it just doing whatever it is you want to do? (Cruising the Mediterranean, going to the Swiss Alps, owning a beach house in Mexico….) It seems all too surreal. So, maybe,maybe not.

-Is it making a difference? Is it being the pioneer of some noble campaign and eventually getting your name on some plaque? Or if you’re lucky, even have your own statue? Maybe, maybe not.

-Is it putting up the biggest business empire and living the life you’ve only seen in your dreams? Having a mansion, being able to shop for your favorite car in different colors? Maybe, maybe not.

These things are fun to think about, but even more fun to dream about. But then it hits me that maybe these seem a little too unrealistic. But then I ask myself why some other person has done it and then I feel all depressed again.

What do we want anyway?

Do we even know?

Maybe we’ve just been taught the wrong things. What if these were more of the lines we used to hear? Maybe we’d feel differently about things.

1) You study hard because you are smart and you owe it to yourself to do so. But even if you don’t, you’re still special. It is not a measure of how intelligent I know you are. Maybe math is not your best subject, but you’re a terrific person.

2) You should do and be whatever it is you feel will make you happy because you are making a contribution to society.

3) Oh, so you took Psychology because you enjoy learning about how and why people are the way they are and act the way they act. In any profession, knowing psychology is important.

4) You have a good course. You will be able to help people with what you know.

6)Friend: At what age do you want to get married? You: When I meet the right person and feel I am responsible enough to keep a life-long commitment.

Don’t we wish that life was as simple as this?

Maybe it’s not about just doing what we want whenever we want it. Maybe it’s still working (maybe not something we particularly enjoy) but spending time figuring out what it is you really want even if it takes you more than half of your whole life time. Better late than never, right?

Maybe it’s not being the pioneer of a noble campaign but just being part of any campaign to help others. Be it through an NGO, or a Christian group, or a ministry. Think about this paradox: the more of yourself you give to others, the more whole you’ll become. Save some for yourself, of course. Don’t be a martyr.

Maybe it’s not putting up the biggest empire but just striving to sustain the lifestyle you want. Now whatever lifestyle you choose is your choice. The more unrealistic you are and the more you compare yourself to others’ fortunes, then the more miserable you’ll become.

Maybe it’s just finding the person that makes you happy and deciding that you want to be together forever.

Maybe it’s not raising genius, all-around children but rather, raising God-fearing children with a sense of love and service for others.

Maybe it’s just leaving everything to God who knows best. Doing our part of course, but trusting that whatever is happening in our lives is still a part of His grand plan.

=) =) =) Sound all too familiar, right? =) =) =)

Ooh, I’m a preachy preacher, Sorry. I have yet to live these out in my own life and even accept them. But then again, it’s worth a try. Hard work though..


song of the moment [Tuesday

i love this song..and somehow, it's so relevant to me now. why is this song just so perfect?

Put Your Records On
by: Corrine Bailey Rae

Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don't need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.

Maybe sometimes, we got it wrong, but it's alright
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same
Oh, don't you hesitate.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Blue as the sky, sombre and lonely,
Sipping tea in the bar by the road side,
(just relax, just relax)
Don't you let those other boys fool you,
Gotta love that afro hairdo.

Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change.
Don't you think it's strange?

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Just more than I could take, pity for pity's sake
Some nights kept me awake, I thought that I was stronger
When you gonna realise, that you don't even have to try any longer.
Do what you want to.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Oh, You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow

a bum's life.. [Monday

A bum's life is not all that bad.. for now at least.

i have all the time to post about things..


When people ask me how the tour went, all i say is that it was "super fun!". But when i think about it, "super fun" cannot even begin to describe how i feel about the past month with my hangad family. Besides touring the sites and enjoying the weather, i was able to experience Filipino hospitality at its best, do what i love to do the most.. and with people who share the same passion, and most importantly got to spend time and learn more about the friends i am with at least twice a week for practice. So from the airplane rides, to the roller coaster rides, the laugh trips, food trips, picture taking, site seeing, singing, dancing, spieling, bumming, chilling, laughing..it was one hell of a trip.=)

ONE to 3 days after the TOUR

argh. hate jet lag. i was too weak to fight the sleepiness.. haha. the night i got back, nala gace birth to 12 puppies. i stayed up all night helping her deliver because i was not sleepy at all. too bad 3 pups died.. so now, we have 9 pups and two full grown dogs inside the house. hehehe.
the day after was my parents' 25th wedding anniv! but before that..surprise surprise from cez and toby who hung out at my place till the afternoon. so fast forward to the evening where my parents had an intimate mass and dinner with family and close friends. i'm not so fond of parties but that one was a nice one.=)

A few days ago..
just bummed. used the net. hung out with the picnic family..gab's bday party with the beachbums..hehe.

have all the time to do another thing i love to do. COOK! cooked for gab's bday party last may 19. looking for recipes online right now.hehe. found this pasta dish with roasted tomatoes, olives and the like..will try it soon. ooh..searched for banana pudding.now this IS a must. haha. will look for shrimp and chicken dishes next.=)

is nicky's favorite line nowadays..hehe.


Eight Descriptions of My Perfect Lover
c/o cez


The tagged user has to come up with eight different descriptions of his or her perfect lover.

He or she needs to mention the sex/gender of his or her perfect lover.

He or she must tag eight more people to join this game.

Gender: Man (non-negotiable), though perfect does not exist..he must

1. have God as the center of his life. he doesn't have to be super religious..just someone who at the end of the day can say that God is no. 1 in his life.
2. must respect me. meaning my thoughts/beliefs, my family and friends, my passions in life..etc.
3. be comfortable to be around..not only around me but others as well.i like a people person.
4. be able to make me laugh. i feel that laughter adds a whole lot to a relationship..and i love to laugh.haha!
5. know how to be silly, have a quirky side and always game..i want us to be able to make fools of ourselves from time to time..try new and interesting things like skydiving, nature hikes, white water rafting..etc.. why? coz it's fun and i'm always game for a new adventure!
6. but, must also have a serious and mature side when the time calls for it. i need someone who can make decisions and stand by them. someone who sparks my intellectual side, too.
7. have good moral values and be man enough to live them out in his life. i want him to value family life, faith in God, general respect for others..
8. must be sincere and honest in his love for me and everyone else in his life.

Tagged friends:

marybeth, roy, ketty, ginie, yans, mai, sans, ramona

gracias maestro! [Saturday

i was just going through some of my files in the computer..seeing which ones i could delete since i won't be needing them anymore! haha. then i came across this paper i wrote in one of my electives last semester. i read through it and just felt the need to post it. it triggered some senti feelings about the past 4 years of my life... so just thought i'd share it.

There have been many things in my life that have come and gone so quickly, like waves that crash upon the shore only to return back to the sea. Succinct encounters such as those have left me with no opportunity to interact or dwell upon them. However, there are some with which I have had brief encounters yet the memories of which have dug deep into my soul. Such an example is European Cinema. Like a beautiful sunrise that makes time stand still as it illumines the horizon, it is an excellent teacher. With the brief encounter with it, I have experienced life. And with all its selfless giving, I was filled with invaluable treasures to last me a lifetime.
European Cinema is an excellent teacher in every sense. Like an excellent teacher, European Cinema has no frills and unnecessary extravagances. Its simple and honest nature has taught me the importance of genuineness in reality. This genuineness, characterized by the uniquely refreshing silence in some of the films, has shown me that wisdom is not necessarily imparted through words. It is through the simplest and most unspoken moments that one appreciates wisdom through relationships and art. As European Cinema imparts these teachings, it never does so in an offensive and preachy manner. It is only an excellent teacher that is able to get his message across so subtly yet so profoundly. The exquisite presentations of emotion and thought by the directors and actors of the movies do just this. The tears rolling down Toto’s face at the end of Cinema Paradiso illustrate this subtle yet profound excellence of beautifully conveying a lesson on life and love through a seemingly mundane human expression.
Many of these unobvious symbols exemplified in European Cinema make it distinct from common films in Hollywood. It is through these many symbolisms that European Cinema also exerts itself as an excellent teacher, one that makes sure the mind is rightfully exercised. An excellent teacher is not one-sided in imparting wisdom. Rather, it recognizes the innate wisdom in each of its students and masterfully nurtures this wisdom through tickling their minds and allowing reflection. Throughout the course, I have personally experienced this. Thinking and reflecting about symbols in the movies such as Olivier, Olivier challenged not only my mind but my creativity as well. Despite the differences in interpretations with my classmates, analyzing symbols in European Cinema has reminded me that I am capable of thinking for myself and that my mind is unique. Further, it has encouraged me to discover the relevance of these symbolisms in my own life and see what these symbolisms could be telling me.
Besides these, European Cinema as an excellent teacher celebrates individuality and uniqueness of various traditions and cultures. The way European Cinema journeyed along Denmark, France, Poland, Italy, Brazil, Colombia, Germany, Spain, Britain and Czechoslovakia showcased the beauty of each country’s way of life. This made way for newfound appreciation and respect for these cultures. In relation to this is the fact that European Cinema remains up to date on pertinent political and social concerns in each of these cultures. And even if certain issues may have ostensibly died down already, European cinema as an excellent teacher manages to keep them timeless.
Timeless also in its excellence as a teacher is its appreciation of life at heart. Moved by a variety of scenarios on the different facets of life, European Cinema brings forth life as it really is. The portrayal of relationships, art, love, obsession, human suffering, homosexuality, and death has presented the beauty of life. Each person’s life is filled with its own mystery and magic, sadness and happiness. My life is a story filled and colored by these same experiences. But many times, I fail to stop awhile and take a look at these occurrences in my life. Experiences of suffering are easily forgotten and etched out of memory and experience of joy and laughter are so easily taken for granted. European Cinema has taught me to appreciate the beauty of every facet of life. From the joys of family gatherings and new friendships to times of confusion and the loss of a loved one, European cinema has taught me to embrace it all. For even as life is filled with often painful, complex and contradictory surfaces, its magnificence and richness of depth remains constant and forever moving.
So, as European Cinema has left me with all these learnings, I have no doubt in my mind that it has proven itself to be an excellent teacher. People say that excellent and exceptional mentors you meet along the way leave footprints in your life and etch themselves into your heart. This is exactly what European film has done. As I started this semester with much anticipation, I cannot deny that this anticipation evolved into excitement and joy every Friday of this semester. Like an interesting book you cannot put down or a touching song that cannot be forgotten, European film has found its way into my heart has filled me to the brim with invaluable insights. And as this semester comes to an end so quickly, I say gracias, Maestro, gracias.

cheers seniors! we made it!=)

one of those about me surveys [Thursday

1. what kind of first impression do you think people say when they first see you?
quiet, masungit, aloof

2. what's one thing you like to do alone?
read a good book

3. what is your favorite line to say when you're drunk?
"i'm not drunk!"

4. how many drinks do you need before you get tipsy?
depends..sometimes after 3 or 4, i feel it already.

6. what kind of books do you like to read?
i love autobiographies! anything that provokes the mind. of course, who doesn't like romance novels and inspirationals?

7. do you think you're cute?
sometimes..hahaha.;p but when i haven't had enough sleep, i look horrible, not to mention harrassed.

8. do you have a problem changing clothes in front of your friends?
if it's close friends, then i don't have a problem.

9. what do you eat when you raid the fridge at night?
anything from chocolate to tira.. but i rarely raid the fridge at night.

10. describe your bed?
cozy, soft, big, bouncy

11. spontaneous or planned?
sometimes i like things planned, other times..i just want everything spontaneous.

12. do you know how to play poker?
i used to! but i forgot..my brothers haven't taught me yet.

13. what do you carry with you at all times?
i guess my cellphone..

14. what do you miss most about being a kid?
playing like there was no tomorrow. climbing trees, playing in the rain.

15. are you happy with your given name?

16. what color is your bedroom?
my walls are off-white/ beige..but as you enter my room, it's all PINK you see.

17. have you ever been in a play?
uh huh

18. do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
most of the time.;p

19. do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
i always try to be. i hate picking fights or having them.

20. do you spend more time with your girlfriend/boyfriend or your friends?
well, wala pa so i'm always with my friends.

21. what's one thing you wish you could do but can't?
there are a lot. dance for one thing.

22. what is your ideal wedding location?
a really beatiful church.

23. whats one instrument you wish you could play?
harp..like ram.hehe

24. whats one language you want to learn?
i tried french in ateneo but ayoko na. haha. maybe german or italian or spanish.

25. have you ever pierced your body parts?
no. but i HAVE pierced body parts.

26. do you have any tattoos?

27. what's one trait you hate in a person?
i hate it when someone is selfish and does not think of the effect he/she has on others.

28. do you consider yourself materialistic?

29. what do you cook best?
pasta sauce (eggplant tomato, pesto, tomato basil.) have to work on my white sauces.

30.favorite person/s to talk with on the phone?
i haven't really had any long conversations over the phone recently.but if ever..spc sisters, tj, toby.

walang tulugan [Tuesday

last week before finals. i'm so tired. it's 530am..haven't really slept yet because of thesis. my head is starting to hurt and i feel like vomiting.

don't think i'll be able to go to prac or jogging later. my body is just too tired. will just go to theo then go home after.

thank god cez and yans are up now with me..hehe.ym is the only thing keeping me up and alert. spc forever. haha.

ok, back to work.. 5:40am na. people in the house are waking up.

thank you for today. [Friday

[ mood | thankful ]

Lord, thank you for today. Today captured quite a number of things i love about college life.

1)PATIENT AND UNDERSTANDING TEACHERS. fr. norris agreed to move my orals because of a conflict with another commitment.

2)PEOPLE YOU JUST HAVE A SPECIAL BOND WITH FROM THE BEGINNING. Watched close to you with ceetoo girls. Such a blast!=)

3)GREAT NEW INSIGHTS. theory on comfortable silence in friendship. thanks cez.

4)KNOWING SWEET AND THOUGHTFUL PEOPLE. thank you roy.. i was really touched.


6)A GREAT ORG. acmg ang saya saya. and everyone at the booth, love you guys.

7)WORKING WITH PEOPLE WHO VALUE GOD AND SERVICE, TOO. acmg core..reg,neth,edon,marian,chette,edz,mayan,paeng,mai,embs,jaymee(thank you jaymee!!!hug!),franz.

this was my day. thank you..



Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.

You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?

You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.


Your Power Color Is Teal

At Your Highest:

You feel accomplished and optimistic about the future.

At Your Lowest:

You feel in a slump and lack creativity.

In Love:

You tend to be many people's ideal partner.

How You're Attractive:

You make people feel confident and accepted.

Your Eternal Question:

"What Impression Am I Giving?"

come away with me? [Wednesday

Come away with me??...

Come away with me
by norah jones

Come away with me in the night
Come away with me
And i will write you a song

Come away with me on a bus
Come away where they can't tempt us
with their lies

I want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high
So won't you try to come

Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountaintop
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you

And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me

So...will you?

what a day. [Wednesday

i feel so bad that our project proposal for the penitential rite service was not approved by CMO. i don't know how to explain how i feel about this. but for those who know about the trouble i went through earlier this sem with regards to the first PRS, must know how i must feel about this one now..and it's not being approved anyhow. sigh.

i also feel really bad that two of the spiritual building seminars my committee was supposed to prepare for were cancelled today because of the miting de avance.

it's just that these activities were something we envisioned and planned before pa and the fact that they have to be cancelled or disapproved of are..well.. devastating. These activities were hopefully a chance for my members to really experience the heart of the spiritual formation committee. I was hoping that it would be through these activities that their skills as spiritual facilitators be honed somehow.

Now what?

i'm trying my best not to dwell on these too much, thinking that He has a reason for it. But I can't see it! the reason, i mean..

anyway, i feel so much better by just ranting about it.

on a lighter note, it was fun later today when i watched the men's soccer game with ferdie, joycee, roy, and embs. Also when we went to mcdo to buy food for ACMG peeps. hehe. there were so many orders that the four of us (tj, cez, franz, and i) had to divide the orders into 1) nuggets group 2) chicken group 3)special burgers group 4) regular burgers group. It was just such a fun challenge to keep everything organized (c/o cez) and to keep the drinks from not spilling. haha. i felt we were kinda successful. haha. special thanks to ianne for being there and helping us with everything.=)

i just realized today that even when things get really shitty..i am so thankful for friends who make everything better... it's not even by saying anything, but by just being there.

thanks today to my:
immersion group
PS group...was so out of it in PS today but thanks pa rin.hehe.
soccer watching group. hehe. nanalo tayo ah!
C2 girls..for everything.
mdco group...=)
ACMG peeps..for everything, too.=)

make everything better, Lord [Wednesday


please make everything better. for everyone i value in my life. (hopefully, for me too).

i seem to keep looking for answers to things... but You are all i need. if i have You, then i need not ask for anything more. i need not try to look for a solution to the sadness and hurt and questions because You are precisely the only remedy i'll ever really need...

make everything better, Lord..

happiness is.. [Saturday

spending time with good friends
comfortable silence
laughing till i cry
the smell of rain
a light cool breeze
a smile from someone
an unexpected text
making tambay in Mateo
finally learning a new song by heart
singing with friends
prayer sessions
finding God
fooling around with my siblings
good conversations
gimiks till early morning
being able to confide in a good friend
long naps
a long, warm bath
hot tea and a good book
sharing inside jokes
looking at someone and knowing that you were thinking of the exact same thing
meeting warm and friendly people
the feeling after a good cry
c2 bonding
picnic family
friends, friends, friends
old crushes, new crushes, future crushes
senti songs
kilig moments
taking a good picture
clean fingernails and toenails

....to be continued

Smile [Saturday

[ mood | calm ]


Smile though your heart is aching
smile even though it's breaking
when there are clouds in the sky
you'll get by
if you smile through your fears and sorrows
smile and maybe tomorrow
you'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
hide every trace of sadness
although a tear, may be ever so near
that's the time you must keep on trying

smile, whay's the use of crying?
you'll find that life is still worthwhile
if you'll just smile...=)


my grown-up christmas list.. [Thursday

"Do you remember me? I sat upon your knee. I wrote to you with childhood fantasies. But i'm all grown-up now..can you still help somehow? I'm not a child, but my heart still can dream. So here's my lifelong wish, my grown-up christmas list..."

what do i want for christmas? what do i want in general?

1) happiness

how vague. everyone sane wants to be happy. but how do you know if you're happy? or happy enough? is it having a good family? good friends? a boyfriend? good grades? having a good relationship with God? Or are you happy when you believe you don't need anything else?

it's human nature to change and want to improve. it's human nature to want, yearn and desire things. so if this is human nature, to keep wanting something more, then is it impossible to achieve happiness if we see happiness as an end in itself?

2) love

there's this saying.. "when it all boils down to it, we all just want to be loved" and aint it soo true. we just all want to be loved and be accepted by our family and friends. it's just so simple. if we know someone loves us and cares for us, then the many burdensome things in this world suddenly become a bit lighter. we feel as if we can take on the world.

but love is funny. life is funny. somehow, we are assured of God's love and the love of our family and friends. but why do we keep looking for a love that isn't there or doesn't exist? we end up feeling disappointed. i keep thinking that the reason we become disappointed is because it isn't genuine love in the first place. sometimes, we love and expect in return. but love isn't like that, as annoyingly cliche as it sounds. love is just loving with everything we've got, without expecting in return. it's painful, i know, i've felt it. but life is painful...we love and love till it hurts.. many of us give up and become bitter. mother teresa says "if you love till it hurts, then there is no hurt, only more love".
haha. you must be thinking, "bea is such a sap". whaha. i'm starting to think i'm such a sap. oh well, i'm feeling super idealistic again.

but really, love has a funny way of surprising us. maybe it's better to just go on with life, and be surprised when the time comes.

3) to be continued...i have to think about this. will hit the books first. hehe.=)

star light, star bright first star i see tonight.. [Wednesday

[ mood | happy!! ]

ehhh. no stars. ok fine, probably around..one or two or three.

after theology at 6pm, i met up with my JBs for our usual over-all fitness regimen. i say "over-all" because jogging does not only provide physical fitness, but general promotion of positive well-being. it is not only a venue to release unwanted tension due to acads or other personal concerns, but also provides a venue for bonding, being yourself, and pure enjoyment..

ok, back to the stars. haha. like i said..there were almost zero stars when the JBs rendezvous-ed at belfield for our first picnic dinner after our jog. how sad. but it was still a blast nevertheless. YUM! KFC!!!!!!! so much for the calories burned, tsk. hehe.(don't worry, i'm not forgetting how much of a blast the company was as well ;p) And i still can't rave enough about tonight.

it was such a UNIQUE LEARNING EXPERIENCE for us, i must say..because:

1)not only did we appreciate the moonlight but at the same time,
2)we experienced what was it was like a couple of thousand years ago when people ate in the dark. (was there really a time people ever ate in the dark?!)..also,
3)we learned that frogs do not particularly like bel field, however
4)ants DO. haha!

it was also A BRAIN STIMULATOR because:

1)it made us imagine how 6 people could live on a banig for one whole week with nothing but a can.
2)made us think of ways to escape being trapped by surrounding trees engulfed by fire. AND
3)made us create new ideas for the bel field (underground housing, mall, parking lot). AND
4)made us imagine what it would be like to be on a flying banig.

SEE how fun and interesting post jogging sessions can be? hahaha.

KIDDING ASIDE!.. thank you to my JBs today!! MAI, PAENG, CEZ, TJ, and EDON!=) you guys are assured of high positions in AJA/AAJ just because you're you! wahaha ;p ;p ;p

i love you guys!


My last first day of school!!!! [Monday

[ mood | lalalalalala... ]

i had a really difficult time getting up today. but when i actually did get up...i started getting butterflies in my stomach. haha. funny because this has been happening to me since kinder!!

ever since, first days of school have always made me kinda excited and kinda anxious. but believe it or not, first days of school back in the late 80's and early 90's were horrible. i cried buckets...had psychosomatic tendencies, which eventually escalated to actual nausea..and well, separation anxiety. my parents can testify to this whole stage in my life. terrible terrible times, for me and for them. but i eventually got over it and am proud to say that first days of school only leave my stomach in knots (for the morning half of the day anyway, hehe;p)

well, this is the last of one of many firsts. TODAY IS OFFICIALLY MY LAST FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!! YEY!(unless i decide to go back for further studies) so...i feel the need to celebrate! as if. it's the first day and already i have homework for philosophy..the party is gonna have to wait.=( nevertheless, my schedule is so-so..and even if this sem alarms me in a oh-no-dark-clouds-it's-gonna-rain-and-i-have-no-payong kinda way...i am comforted by the fact that my friends and i will see to it that this sem will be a blast--the hell with thesis!;p joke, joke, joke. i love my thesis..diba yans? sweat, blood, and tears?! haha. so maybe the party doesn't have to wait?? *hint hint people*

but as i said..today is only the last of many first days...who knows what the first day of work will be like, or the first day of whatever. it's exciting now that i come to think of it. scary exciting. but it gives me something to look forward to, which is a good thing.=)

*sigh* hope this sem is something. really something.=)


missing good weather [Thursday

baguio oct 29-nov 1. it was exactly what i needed. good weather. good food. good company...stress free.

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in the car..sleeping ?!?

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right after the market. certified kargadors.

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haha. getting weird. even got scolded by lolo .."this is NOT a circus". hehe. yikes.

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chilling out @ figaro

all i want is some good weather [Friday

[ mood | calm ]

there are some things in life we want to happen or expect to happen. there are things or situations on the other hand that are simply unpredictable. like the weather.

people we meet along the way. accidents. split second gestures, a grin, a wink. most of them take us by surprise.

what do we do when these things happen? do they exist for the sole purpose of startling us or simply for us to ponder on them? i really do not know. there are times i feel that these things happen to change us, for the better. to ground us. to humble us. there are times i feel God just wants us to bring our attention back to Him.

whatever the answer may be, this can simply be explained as life's character exuding itself. through suprises, and change..life is what it is.

difficult as it may be sometimes, it is an interesting journey. going about this journey can be quite different for each one of us. but i guess, no one puts it better than my ex-crush, ben affleck, in forces of nature.hehe. ;p

"in the end, all we can do is commit to the people we love, hope for a little luck, and some good weather."


love this song... [Monday

[ mood | dreamy ]


My head's in a jam
Can't take you off my mind
From the time we met
I've been beset by thoughts of you
And the more that I ignore this feeling
The more I find myself believing
That I just have to see you again

I can't let you pass me by
I just can't let you go
But I know that I am much too shy
To let you know
Afraid that I might say the wrong words
And displease you
Afraid for love to fade
Before it can come true

Like a child again
I'm at a loss for words
How does one define
A crush combined with longing?
Longing to possess you oh so dearly
I'm obsessed by you completely
I'll go mad if I can't have you

I can't let you pass me by
I just can't let you go
But I know that I am much too shy
To let you know
Afraid that I might say the wrong words
And displease you
Afraid for love to fade
Before it can come true


For You [Tuesday

[ mood | serious ]

I hope you don’t do what you did and what you so love to do again. I don’t know why you love trying to compete/argue with me about things that are not supposed to be argued about. I don’t know why you have to do it in front of strangers. It’s like you have this need to prove yourself. To prove that others are stupid and aren’t worth shit. You made me feel that way and it hurts. I'm too sensitive, ya, but you really love to hit people where it hurts. And I don’t know why you love to do it to people who love you...

I love music. I love my ministry. I accept all musical genres. I may not be technically aware of other genres, but it does not diminish my love for music or my being an artist. If you think that by challenging other musical genres and by assuming one doesn’t understand a certain genre is really knowing about music, then maybe you should rethink what music really means to you.

Music is passion. Passion for all facets of life. Happiness, Sadness, Regret, Pain, Anger, Love, Confusion, Doubt…. It need not be God. Passion is whatever drives you and brings you closer to your sense of being. This is music for me. This is what my singing in Hangad is for me. If you tell me that you get this same kind of passion when you sing, then the genre is unimportant. True music holds no distinctions. Music is simply music. Being an artist is being an artist.

I’m sorry, I just had to tell you my thoughts because music is very special to me. It’s my passion and my life. One of the reasons that keep reminding me every single day that life is worth living. Peace.



What Makes You.. by SheBangs12
Your name?
Your gender?
What makes you sexy?Your legs
What makes you pretty?Your smile
What makes you loveable?How sensitive you are
What makes you fun?Your positive attitude
What makes you irresistable?Your hugs
What makes you cute?The way you walk
Quiz created with MemeGen!

who am i ?? [Wednesday

[ mood | sleepy ]

Your Personality Profile

You are dreamy, peaceful, and young at heart.
Optimistic and caring, you tend to see the best in people.
You tend to be always smiling - and making others smile.

You are shy and intelligent... and a very hard worker.
You're also funny, but many people don't see your funny side.
Your subtle dry humor leaves your close friends in stitches.

diagnosis - allergic to school. medication - take a break. [Friday

[ mood | mellow ]

forgive me if this entry will seem like i'm trying to justify a decision i made just a few minutes ago..

i'm taking a break from school this whole morning. yep, i decided to cut theology and philosophy because i just felt like taking time off from school...it may seem like slacking off but i just think it's a well-deserved break.

it all started this morning when i woke up at around 6am to get ready for school..it was raining outside and the weather was so perfect.. i didn't want to get up from bed. i just wanted to curl back up under my comforter and go back to dreamland..=) but having the superego that i do, i got up and got ready for school just the same. i don't even think it was my superego pushing me..it was probably pure instinct.i'm a nerd, remember?.haha. anyway, i had to wake up gab because he was gonna ride with us even if his class was still at 9:30.

in the middle of getting ready and fixing my stuff, i saw that gab was still studying for one of his subjects and felt that maybe i should be nice and cut my first class so he could have more time to study. "yeah" (sarcastically). of course it's obvious right now that i would have cut my first class whether or not he needed more time to study. tsk,tsk,tsk. and so i cut theology.

with more time to spare, i decided to eat breakfast (my first one at home this entire week), and decided to read for philo (my next class). but breakfast energized me and again, i made the decision to cut philo just because.. bad bea.

so now i'm here trying to justify what i just did because i feel really guilty. of course, my parents didn't even mind my cutting. and i'm pretty sure my brothers would totally support what i just did but being the school freak that i am, i just can't seem to understand why i'm suddenly allergic to school. i can probably name a few things..then maybe i can decide later:

1) home has been like a boarding house this whole week. i would go to school really really early and come home really late. ( i've only eaten 2 out of 15 meals at home this entire week!!).

2) even my sister says she hasn't seen me in days..*sniff*

3) i didn't really have a weekend last weekend because of the ACMG recollection which required me to stay in school the whole day of saturday and sunday (not complaining though..).

4) i had to work on my thesis on my birthday!

5) practice and meetings this whole week which would last until late at night. i'd get home really drained and unable to do any school work.

6) weather is not very helpful.

7) anything acads related is basically a downer. there's just too much work and so little time.

i can probably think of a gazillion other things i can add up to this list later on but i think i'll just stop here. i don't know..i guess there are people who can go on doing all these without giving themselves a break. i'm not one of them. life is short, i should be kinder to myself. i know i deserve it. really.=)


almost 21 and rambling. [Saturday

[ mood | happy ]

wow. talk about long time no write. anyway, the reason i'm writing now after a very long time is because i'm home alone. having no one to talk to or bug forced me to type how my day..actually, how my life is going so far.

21 years. i can't believe i'm actually turning 21 on monday..it's funny how i still feel like i'm 12. ok, maybe i'm exaggerating. maybe 16. 18? haha. who cares, i still feel the same way i felt 5, 10 years ago. i still get excited over the most mababaw things. i still cry over the same things. and i even still have the same pet peeves.....all good things i hope, i'm still me.


in a way, i know i have changed somehow. maybe it's my outlook on life or maybe my spirituality? i can't really pinpoint an exact area in my life. all i know is that i feel fulfilled despite the many things i know i still want to be able to do or accomplish.

i'm in my senior year and in a few months, i will be venturing out into the world. am i scared? i guess it's like practicing for a song. Even if you've practiced it over and over again and seem to have mastered it by heart, you will still never be sure how it will go once you sing in front of a live audience. So even if i've heard so many stories from friends about life after school and even if i've tried to imagine how i would be after college, it's still funny how things suddenly turn out differently sometimes. and believe it or not, it's this fact about stepping out into the real world--its unpredictability--that i am wary of. Not that i need everything to be predictable all the time but it just worries me when i'm suddenly caught off guard. it's like losing in a game you never even knew you were playing. you end up feeling helpless and cheated.

But now i know (at almost 21 years) that this is where faith steps in. Faith is such a vague yet deeply personal word which has suddenly been re-introduced and "re-packaged" for me these past few years of my life. Faith has now found it's nitch in my life which i will hopefully have the guidance and strength to hold on to forever. And as i await graduation day and the days after that, i know as i have faith, i will make it in the world just right.=)

i hope you don't get the impression that everything is smooth sailing for me, i'm still quite swamped with acads and other in and out of school stuff, and still seriously considering if i'm spreading myself way too thin. i haven't had any drinkning sessions with friends lately.tsk tsk tsk. and i haven't really had any of my usual bumming and idle days of just lazing about. finally, i haven't really had any alone time in the past few weeks. no time to really reflect and think about things like i usually used to do. (i wish i get to do this soon..got to plan a date with myself.hehe.)....so many things i want to do--drink, bum, think.--->lethal combination and definitely the devil's playground. tsk.;p There is a time for everything they say, a time for everything..well, i hope that time comes. soon.hehe.=)

Where is love in all of this? eveywhere. somewhere. just around the corner. right under my nose. ??? i'll just wait for God to surprise me with this one.=)




The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.


I will miss you, Cel... [Monday

[ mood | sad ]

With sadness I write this entry. My bestest cousin, friend, and twin sister left for Canada yesterday. Who knows when I'll see her again...

It seemed so surreal yesterday at my lola's house. Almost everyone was in tears. Twenty years of knowing someone and being with someone is no joke. Memories of our years together flashed through my mind as I was hugging her goodbye. The times when we were little girls with no cares in the world. The times we would take classes together, wore similar outfits, and were inseparable. The sleepovers, and the other fun things...The long chats about life and love. The lines from a song i know capture everything perfectly.."Those school girl days of telling tales and biting nails are gone..But in my mind, I know that they will still live on and on..but how do you thank someone who's [been with] you from crayons to perfume? it isn't easy.."

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But through twenty years of being inseparable, then finding our own passions in life..we've stuck together. It's rare to find a true friend, cousin, and soul sister rolled into one. I will miss her terribly. But as she embarks on this new journey in her life, I smile..happy, excited, and proud of her. I hope as much as I pray that I will be able to see her soon...=)


tests. tests. tests. [Wednesday

[ mood | content ]

Your Inner European is Swedish!

Relaxed and peaceful.

You like to kick back and enjoy life.

Your Birthdate: September 12

Being born on the 12th day of the month (3 energy) is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life.

The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental.

There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, sometimes "couldn't care less" attitude.

You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression.

Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing.

You are energetic and always a good conversationalist.

You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters.

Your mind is practical and rational despite this tendency to jump about.

You are affectionate and loving - but very sensitive.

You are subject to rapid ups and downs.


obviously walang magawa... [Monday

[ mood | bitchy ]

Favourite Color
Is some one in love with you right now yes, but they are too shy to admit it
are you in love right now yes... always are
This Quiz by therat429 - Taken 106662 Times.
New - COOL Dating Tips and Romance Advice!



imagine a single black balloon in a children's party... [Monday

[ mood | sad ]

if i stop for a moment and look at my life and myself..and everything else happening around me, i can't deny that things have been great. really great atually. my family is ok. i have the most amazing friends. my OJT has taught so much more than i ever thought it would and has in someway shed some light on what my future would look like. I don't really have anything to complain about really...

but i'm writing this right now because i suddenly felt really sad and depressed. my hangad friends are in the US and lately emails have been pouring in on how fulfilling the tour has been so far. reading one of the emails brought tears to my eyes. and as i'm writing this sentence, waaahh! i'm about to cry.. i'm very very happy for them but a part of me just feels so bad that i'm not there to share it with them. i can try to explain in further but my emotions are just too complex to put my everything down as some understandable text.

maybe all i need is a good cry...


frisbee!! [Wednesday

played frisbee in belfield yesterday with cez and tj..just for fun. then nicole came and taught us a few techniques coz she really plays ultimate frisbee...hmmm..

i'm now inquiring about beginner classes here in QC..

kwento lang.. [Sunday

[ mood | hopeful ]

last night hangad sang in gateway..it went ok except for the fact that we started late and the venue was not really the in the mall. nevertheless, singing for Him is always fulfilling..no matter how many little details don't go the way you planned it in your head, it's always worth it in the end. =) =) =)

practicum starts in monday. i will be working in jobstreet which is connected with summit media. jobstreet is an online recruitment agency and my job will entail screening applicants, scheduling interviews and conducting actual interviews. HR stuff basically. now that i'm writing about it, i'm getting kind of excited because recruitment is one of the fields under HR i really want to try.

i really hope i learn a lot from my practicum so it will be easier for me to decide what to pursue after college....=) one more year.......


my summer so far... [Saturday

i guess this is the only time i can really post about anything since i've never really had any free time this summer. except for now. hehe.=)

so what have i been up to?

inuman at tj's..sleepover and swimming at cez's...roadtrip to the south with my SPC sisters.

..boracay two weekends ago..anilao last weekend because of the acmg evsem..movie with cousins..movie with picnic family...visited nicky's cute puppy.hehe.

practicum starts on monday..i'm kinda excited, kinda not. i'd rather bum if you ask me.hehe.

oh well..hangad is singing in gateway tonight..next weekend we'll be in tagaytay (sat) and we have a wedding (sun).

everything just seems to be happening so fast...before i know it, summer will be over.=(

my other fave color [Tuesday

Rainbow of Icons by FreezingInTheSno
Your name
Favorite Color
Your Pink Icon
Your Blue Icon
Your Yellow Icon
Your Green Icon
Your Red Icon
Your Purple Icon
Your Orange Icon
Quiz created with MemeGen!

wala lang... [Tuesday

from ram's lj..

Rainbow of Icons by FreezingInTheSno
Your name
Favorite Color
Your Pink Icon
Your Blue Icon
Your Yellow Icon
Your Green Icon
Your Red Icon
Your Purple Icon
Your Orange Icon
Quiz created with MemeGen!

not yet a bum [Friday

[ mood | contemplative ]

even if a week of summer has already gone by, i haven't really found myself bored yet..maybe it's because i've been out most of the time..always on the go. i thought i was going to be able to bum around for even a little while..but i don't think it's gonna happen..there's just so much to do.

when summer started..
1) hangad concert in bulacan
2) acmg retreat
3) easter triduum masses/services

stuff to do:
1) finish stuff for acmg evsem
2) finish hangad songbook stuff
3) finalize practicum stuff
4) bora!
5) evsem
6) reg
7) practicum/class

i don't think i'm gonna have time to feel bored this summer...don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing considering i just love bumming around.hehe...

oh well, i'm looking forward to tomorrow..gonna be hanging out in tj's house.

Happy Easter!=)


easter high! [Tuesday

i wasn't able to post about how happy i've been because of hangad. i have been so grateful to God for giving me the opportunity to really do what I love to do and in the process make Him known to others. It's a great, great feeling. the launch was on feb 27, then our last concert was on march 4 in st. scho.. we have one this coming sunday in bulacan! even if i'm so tired with school..i can't wait!=)

below is a pic of our our prayer concert in st. scho last march 4.

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she who once was...me. [Sunday

[ mood | changed... ]

Ever since she can remember, she has immersed herself into the arts. From ballet classes, to art classes, theater, and choral singing—all these have molded her into the person people see her today. The girly girl. The in-doorsy kind of girl. The singer. The artist.


She sometimes feels so lost in this identity she has come to see as a stranger. Has she been living her life the way her heart knows it should?

Answering this would take as long as counting sand grains on a seashore…

Despite her growing up in the world of the arts, she does not consider herself an artist because she is not what a true artist is. Or let’s just say, she is all that an artist is NOT.

An artist is one who brings all of himself into his art or craft. Expressing every felt and repressed emotion, he reaches out and discloses himself to others. With every brush stroke, or pirouette, or note, an artist gives ALL of himself.

We have seen and experienced some true artists of our time. Though these are not only those greats whose works remain classic, but also those people we know, our friends, in which we have found true passion reside.

She is not an artist because she feels as dry as a barren desert, unable to give or sustain life. She has found passion in most things she does, yet passion has not found her. She continues to live, bound in worldly troubles and conformity. She longs to break free and make herself known as well…but how does one break free from a trap she’s known as home for most of her life? Once again, she has found herself perplexed.


One step at a time they say, one step at a time. Even if these steps take her 50 to 60 years or more, she will take them…

So hopefully, even with a bit of luck, passion eventually finds her on her path. And even for only a fraction of her life, it decides to reside in her and she gets to be a true artist at last.


for the "RAT" people [Sunday

[ mood | blah ]

RAT Horoscope
Feb 2, 1984 to Feb 19, 1985

Rat people are so charming and attractive they are always surrounded by friends and admirers. They can also be lone tumbleweeds, seldom making lasting friendships. Known as Perfectionists (not really!) , they never want to lose face (true!). It takes an understanding friend to get them to "put on the dancing plumes." Rat people have vivid imagination and are known for creating extraordinarily magic moments in time. Not surprisingly, the sensitive Rats have the gift of insight and clairvoyance, so you better watch out what you think around them! Rats enjoy being leaders and pacesetters and usually enjoy extraordinary success in life.

Wood rats don't care about firecrackers and whiz-bam-boom special effects. Still waters run very deep! Somewhat introverted and shy in social gatherings, Wood Rats nevertheless make a big impact when it comes to career, finance, and entrepreneurial projects. A big ego keeps this one focused on the big picture, talking only when necessary to make the next move. The enterprising Wood Rat knows and lives the rules in human dynamics: compromise, flexibility, "playing it by ear," the Golden Rule, and generosity. In the Love Boat, don't expect the Wood Rat to whisper a lot of sweet nothings; again, still waters run deep. They don't need words, they ACT their love, showering affection, kindness, and respect on their loved ones, who love them in return.

Famous RAT people: Richard Nixon, Shakespeare, Prince Charles, Julia Child, Louis Armstrong, Prince Andrew, Andrew Lloyd-Webber, Kathleen Battle, Albert Finney

got it from the blog of my friend..hehe..this is for the rat peeps! 1984 people!!( sorry cez! hehe)


happy valentine's day! [Monday

[ mood | happy ]

saw this is carms' and jess' ljs..hehe. thought this would be interesting..

You Are A Romantic Realist

You are more romantic than 50% of the population.

You tend to be grounded when it comes to romance.
Sure, you can fall hard... but only for someone you've gotten to know.
And once you're in love, you can be a total romantic goofball...
But you'd never admit it to your friends!

hahaha! this is sooooooooooooo true! HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE!!=)

i'm no superwoman [Monday

[ mood | off ]

i've spent this entire day doing chores and schoolwork. i feel so off.


there are just a gazillion and one things to do and i don't know if i'm superwoman material enough to do everything...all this schoolwork, extra curricular activities,hangad stuff, and household responsibilities..i'm only human.

but then i feel really guilty about complaining about all this because i know i am still so much better off than a lot of other people. arghh.grrr. life's a bitch!!



New Year with a *BANG!* [Saturday

[ mood | indescribable ]

my 2005 started with a bang, both literally and figuratively.

"Okay everyone, 10 seconds! 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!" *BANG, BANG, BANG*

from my grandparent's balcony, it was a loud yet amazing site of blues, greens, reds, pinks, you name it!
and with family all around wishing each other a happy new year, the atmosphere reminded me of that perfectly relaxing feeling you get when you're at home.


a startling and frightening loud sound that seemed to have emanated from the metal railings of my grandparent's balcony quieted everyone down. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!?" i was standing right behind the railing when it happened.

So, what was it?

in the railing right in front of where i was standing...a stray bullet hit. if not for the railing, that darn bullet would have hit my stomach or some other part of me. YEAH!HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ME!*sarcastically, of course*

Who in their right minds would fire a gun up in the air, knowing perfectly well that the bullet will certainly have to land somewhere? how furiatingly irresponsible! of course, we will never be able to trace where it came from.=(

i still shake at the thought of it. my dad told me "you better thank your guardian angel" then he trailed off saying "hindi mo pa oras eh.." i really felt like crying at that point. the realization of the worst that could have happened flashed in my mind like a tragic reality tv show.


so there you see, my new year started with a bang! i don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing. all i know is that this past year, despite its downfalls was filled with a lot more blessings. i thank the Lord for all the gifts he showered me in 2004. gifts of greater self knowledge, of friendship, of love, and of inner peace. last night was a sign for me to take on this year with greater will and courage. i do hope i live up to the challenge.

to whoever reads this entry: HAPPY NEW YEAR! May your year be full of good surprises and blessings. Thank God you are alive today, reading my entry (heehee)!


merry christmas! [Thursday

[ mood | jubilant ]

..ang hangin ay lumalamig, ang langit nagniningning..mga bituin ay parang nagsasayaw, sila'y sumasabay sa awitin ng pasko...ang puso ko'y nagpupuri, nagpupuri sa Panginoon. nagagalak ang aking espiritu..

last night was a blessing.

1) hangad concert!!! i had so much fun singing christmas carols for people, touching them in one way or another, hopefully. when i saw people singing along or getting teary-eyed, i felt a warm, comforting feeling inside..one of the reasons why i started singing in the first place..a feeling i haven't felt in a while, until last night.=) thank you Lord for Hangad.

2) surpise! Juan Miguel Claravall. i really missed this guy..i can't believe he actually watched the concert..surprise of the century! haha. but his showing up was one of the things that made my night..thanks mel.=)

3)kat and chinky!! two of the reasons why i value friendship so much. my best pals since gradeschool and highschool. being friends with them is one of the greatest gifts.=)

4)sansan and cez!!!! because of them my dream came true! picnic in bel field...i'll never forget it for the rest of my life!i love you guys!

5)everyone!!! ramona, jeanie, mar, kat, neth, angge...and everyone else i saw last night. seeing them made me very very happy!

last night was a blessing because i felt christmas. through friendship, family and love so very present last night, i felt Jesus' presence. what more can i ask for this christmas?

merry christmas everyone!! i hope the christmas season is as happy for you as it is for me!


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